Periods of overcompensation. Self-medicating with drugs and spiraling out of control with an abusive partner. Abuse has permeated my life. I ask myself why I stayed. I can tell you. I didn’t think I could handle being alone. I loved the house. I loved him. By the end, he had topped yet another level of cruelty. I still hung on. I washed down the counter-top. There were divots. I did the best I could to smooth, even sanded with a fine grain but the evidence was clear. If he had ever gotten up to go into the laundry room to do anything other than to clean his pipe or to throw things away with the light off, there would have been cause for more concern. Either way, I put a towel there first, no, that’s just random. Nothing was ever out of place. Resigned that it was coming-just a matter of time. I started to subconsciously break or damage things as well. Casually while doing dishes or putting them away. Slip, his mother’s casserole dish. Slip, his grandmother’s dessert wine glasses.. He sat down right next to me rather than across from me. Handing me a script, he said, “You know that the relationship between Shane and Joey is the key to this whole movie.”“I thought so too,” I said.“Alan Ladd and Brandon de Wilde had chemistry,” he continued. “That’s what sold the movie and made it so memorable that we’re filming it again. Originally, the relationships were much more complex and emphasized something different from what was actually achieved. A minor sexual chemistry was meant to be between Shane and Joey’s mother, or at least those viewing the movie were made to expect that would be the case. And the primary relationship was to be that of Shane and Joey’s father, both of them noble, but in very different ways. Shane’s way was violent—or had been before he decided to stop gunslinging—and Starett’s way was to try to make peace. In the end, they saw the worth of each other. But that’s not the relationship that counted as Ladd and De Wild played it—that’s not what.
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